6. What do your children think of your job?
I think it’s normal to them. They don’t know any different. I’d have to be pretty bloody amazing to be more interesting than what they’re into, dinosaurs and unicorns. They’ve met lots of funny, creative and interesting people over the years, so maybe they’ll think a career in the arts is a real possibility. They’ll either follow me and their mum into it or they’ll totally rebel and become accountants. Accountants for dinosaurs and unicorns.
7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?
Actually having a favourite motorway service station.
Actually having a favourite motorway service station.
Mine, is Tebay Services. To me, it’s a utopian vision of roadside amenities. From its stunning main barn building, with its vaulted oak beamed ceiling, to its 45 degree angled parking spaces (genuinely life changing - it’s so easy!) it regularly blows my mind. In comparison, I recently found a turd on the floor in the loos at Toddington Services. This would never, repeat never, happen at Tebay. It even has it’s own artisan butcher. Last time I visited I purchased some beef cheek and receiving cooking advice from the rosy-faced butcher, “5 hrs on a low heat, let it cool and reheat it the next day son”. I followed his instructions to the letter and made so many happy noises eating it in front of the telly I completely drowned out the sound of my wife’s rattling bangles.
8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?
8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?
I recently went to a hot yoga class, I’d never been in a room that hot before or ever done yoga and had to leave 3 or 4 times to lie on the pavement outside. Towards the end of the session, the yoga teacher said “You are not your mind, you are not your body. Or your thoughts. Look in the mirror and ask yourself ‘who are you?’” Well, I looked in the mirror and saw a very very sweaty man, in his forties and said out loud, “I don’t know who I am!” and starting crying. So perhaps I’m not the best person to answer this question.
9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?
Can you lend me a fiver?
Can you lend me a fiver?
10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?
I think the luckiest break I’ve ever had was having a group of friends who convinced me to have a crack at standup.
11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?
I play golf in the style of a tortured artist. After I hit the ball I turn to the other players and say “Was that OK?… I know, …it was shit wasn’t it… You can tell me, I can take it… WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK ANYWAY?!! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT GOLF!! DON’T TELL ME HOW TO HIT THE BALL, I’M JUST EXPRESSING MYSELF ARTISTICALLY!!
12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?
Paul.
Paul.
13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).
Bruce, my drawers are an absolute shambles. Most of the time our house looks like we’ve been burgled. Also I’m a terrible hoarder! My wife on the other hand is a Womble, so we’re a perfect match. MADE IN HELL. She brings junk home, then I can’t throw it out. I’m definately the wrong person to ask.
