6. What do your children think of your job?

I can’t share my professional filth with my kids so they think the dad jokes I do around the house are my act. <Sigh> Which they are

7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

The M1. No, the M6. The M1. Okay the M42.

8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

Why thank you. Sometimes I think I am very good. At other times I wonder why a man who cares what people think of him should choose a career in which he sometimes leaves a venue by the back door to avoid eye contact with his victims.

9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

I am reawakening my stand-up career so at the moment I earn approximately zero from stand-up. My steak habit is funded mainly by foreign governments

10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

The things I’ve been rewarded for in terms of TV or money or whatever have all come about through dumb luck. I am faintly disapproving of them, and proudest of the work that has at best provincial impact - especially my Edinburgh shows, which I work hard on to create and then hard on to erase signs of the first lot of working. Haha I said hard on twice.

11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?

Historically, huge self-harmer. My pride is always in creating new things and emotionally I would rather die a thousand deaths on stage than see someone look as if they’re seen my set before. It’s completely unrealistic.

12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

Probably Paul Newman - could have just been handsome but raced cars and helped kids right into his 80's.

13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).

My drawers are pretty tidy yes but my desk is a relentlessly advancing tide of disparate papers and technology bought on a whim. I wage episodic war on it. I don't know the specifics of your argument but you are probably both right - good luck.

Dan Antopolski is at Assembly George Square Studios from August 2 - 27. Tickets here.