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Edinburgh wouldn’t be Edinburgh without a bonkers high-concept show from Mark Watson. Actually he is taking it relatively easy this time round and giving his famous marathon gigs a miss. But apart from his normal nightly show Flaws he is also hosting the Comedywealth Games, a sequel to his Edinbrolympics version from a couple of years back, which pretty much does what it says on the tin – getting comedians to attempt unlikely comedically-inclined sports that you would not have seen in Glasgow recently.
Of course this being the Fringe and the show being late night, things are not quite that simple. I’m not sure how some of the participants would fare if there were drug tests for instance. Or at least alcohol tests. But the results onstage are certainly fun to watch. Totally nuts. Or in the case of the first night, (citrus) fruit and nuts.
On the opening night the contestants were David O’Doherty representing Mauritius, Angela Barnes representing England and Sam Simmons representing Australia. Sporting gear was optional. O’Doherty went for shorts, Barnes was in civvies, while Simmons wore a rather eye-catching – or should that be eye-watering? – skin-tight surfer’s outfit with luminous green beading. I don't remember seeing that as the national Australian costume in Glasgow.
The events kicked off with the “Unavoidably Close Sack Race”, a running race in sleeping bags – shared with an audience member – across the stage three times. There was some surprisingly dirty play from O’Doherty who repeatedly bashed into the others, but even this unsporting play couldn't stop Barnes from getting an English gold.
Second up was the "Admin Pentathlon", in which various tasks had to be performed in difficult ways. Shirts worn by fans, for instance, had to be removed while wearing gardening gloves. Simmons showed a flagrant disregard for the rules pulling his fan's shirt off over his head rather than attempting to unbutton it. Once again though, gold went to Barnes.
There was immediate controversy in the “Fruit Challenge” where competitors had to hit a volunteer from the audience on the head with a citrus fruit. The further they were when they did it the more chance they had of winning. O’Doherty stood at the back of the stalls and hurled an orange at plucky young victim Leo, catching him on the cheek and causing a nosebleed. Luckily one of the shirts that had been ripped off earlier and left onstage stemmed the flow.
A stricter referee than the genial Watson might have disqualified O’Doherty, but as it turned out he didn't score any points anyway – the fruit had to strike the bike helmet to count. Simmons tried to do the same thing and nearly hit someone in the front row, then Barnes stepped up and landed a bullseye from close range, claiming the third gold and victory again for England.
The final event found all three competitors attempting to don as many items of clothing handed over by the audience as possible, Could Barnes write herself into the history books by winning a record four golds? It was a doddle as various scarves, cardies and hats were counted up – a total of 24 items, trouncing the opposition.
As the closing anthems were played the Mauritanian anthem was played for O’Doherty instead of the Mauritian anthem. But heck, no event is perfect. Late night madness? Business as usual for Edinburgh? “We’re allowed to do this” joked an incredulous Watson as he looked upon the citrus-fruit and clothing-strewn mess of a stage.
