As a nation we collectively proclaim that we’re 'fine’ 215 million times every day, with the average person saying it four times during every 24 hour period, and 28 times over the course of a week. Yet, according to new research, nearly every other time (38%) a person in Britain says the ‘f word’, they’re not being honest.
The new ‘F Word Report’, released by Walkers to shine a light on how often Brits bottle up their real feelings and the need to open up and talk more, reveals that three quarters of Brits (77%) rarely answer the question ‘How are you?’ honestly, instead opting for a generic ‘I’m fine’ response, over two thirds (70%) of Brits confess to regularly saying ‘I’m fine’ on autopilot before even thinking about how they are.
What’s more, in addition to our barriers to opening up, we’re also hesitant to hear the reality of how people are feeling. The average Brit asks others how they are at least 4 times per day, but only just over half (55%) actually want to know how the other person is when they ask ‘how are you?’.
If faced with someone opening up with an honest answer when they asked them ‘how are you?’, many Brits admit they’d struggle, claiming they wouldn’t know what to say to help them feel better (14%), would feel awkward (13), would feel out of their depth (11%), or would panic as I wouldn’t know what to say to them (11%).
When it comes to our barriers to giving open and honest answers, the main reason given was that it’s easier than explaining why I’m not fine (47%), while over a third (35%) don’t think people actually want to know how you are when they ask this.
Additionally, a quarter (24%) don’t give an honest answer for fear of being seen as ‘draining’ or negative, and a fifth (20%) think they’ll be seen as a ‘mood killer’.
Of those who have opened up and given an honest answer to the question ‘How are you?’, many were met with unenthused reactions including the other person changing the subject (17%), carrying on what they were saying and ignoring them (17%), or saying nothing at all (16%). While over one in ten (12%) have even had people walk away.
However, when it comes to things that make us feel better when we aren’t actually feeling ‘fine’, there appears to be truth to the belief that laughter is good for our wellbeing, with enjoying a good laugh with a friend or relative named as the thing most likely to help, cited by 45% of Brits.
However, talking it through with close friends or family came in second, with a third (34%) citing this as the thing most likely to help.
In light of the findings, Walkers has partnered with comedian and mental health campaigner Ruby Wax to open up the conversation surrounding mental wellbeing, challenging the nation to give up the ‘F***’ (fine) word this week in the lead up to Red Nose Day (Friday 18th March) and give honest and open answers when asked ‘how are you’? Walkers has also pledged a total of £2 Million for Comic Relief by end of 2022, to support mental wellbeing programs.
Comedian and mental health campaign Ruby Wax commented: “As someone who has been very open about their battle with mental health, and has studied human psychology extensively, for me the greatest method of entry into people’s minds is making them laugh.
Often it’s not about the question you’re asking, but the context and way in which you ask it that will impact the way in which the other person responds, and for me appearing as authentic and open as possible is the best way to get others to open up with how they’re honestly feeling. As a subject very close to my heart, I’m hoping that through this campaign and banning what is, in my opinion, the most offensive ‘F***’ word out there, we can open up the conversation surrounding mental wellbeing.”
Elsewhere in the report, it was revealed that while ‘How are you?’ is the way that most people in the UK ask others how they are – cited by 45% of Brits - ‘are you ok?’ (28%) and ‘everything ok’ were revealed as the ways most likely to encourage us to open up about how we were truly feeling.
Upholding the stereotype of the ‘stoic’ British attitude, almost half (45%) of the nation believe it’s just the British way to say that you’re fine, even when you’re not. So guarded are we about our feelings that two thirds (64%) of us wouldn’t even open up to our closest friend about how we’re feeling, and three quarters (77%) still wouldn’t give an honest answer if their parents asked ‘how are you?’.
Yet over half (54%) of those surveyed would be more likely to admit when they’re not feeling fine if others answered honestly.
When it comes to things most likely to get us down, money worries (29%) come top, along with feeling lonely (29%), feeling like we haven’t achieved what we should have by our age (27%), and worrying that we’re not good enough (26%). Additionally social media ‘FOMO’ (fear of missing out) from seeing posts that make it feel everyone is having a better time or doing better is a source of strife for Gen Z and Millennials in particular - almost a third (29%) of 18-24-year-olds and a fifth (21%) of 25-34-year-olds claim this gets them down, compared to 15% of the general population.
Those wanting to get involved, can join Walkers and Comic Relief in giving up the ‘F***’ (fine) word this week and talking more, by signing up at www.comicrelief.com/walkers
Wellness expert Ruby Wax has provided her top tips for encouraging others to open up, and answer honestly when asked, ‘how are you?’:
- The greatest method of entry into people’s minds is making them laugh, so lead with light-hearted, laugh-inducing questions, and use humour in your responses.
- Often it’s not about the question you’re asking, but the way in which you ask it that will impact the way in which the other person responds. Don’t just bark it at them and move on. Look them in the eyes after they say,” Fine,” you could say, “And besides that how are you?”
- You could start out by telling (honestly) how you feel. That breaks the ice and they don’t feel so exposed to open up.
- Remember to listen, look at them and show you care rather than go into auto-pilot and move away.
- Give them a list of emotions and ask them to pick one – fine will not be accepted!
Ruby’s alternative questions to ‘how are you’ to encourage people to open up:
- Give me the weather condition inside your head
- How’s life?
- I’ll tell you how I am if you tell me – honestly.
- From 1-10. 10 being fine where are you?
- Let’s cut out ‘fine’ and now tell me.
- If your life was in the news, what would be the headline right now?
- Spill!
