What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?
So supportive it’s ridiculous, thanks Mum, I’d have disowned me a long time ago if I was my kid. If I had children I like to think that they’d hate me doing comedy, that whenever their friends tell them that they’ve just seen another hilarious TikTok by their Dad that they'd just curl up and die of embarrassment. That’d be sweet.
What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?
Knowing fully how to pitch your answers to a Q&A. How do you ride that line between giving an interesting, genuine answer and being funny? For example, in this one, a couple of the answers I’ve given have stretched the truth a little bit, but then some of them are harrowingly true. Difficult to know. Oh and when you do that gig where there’s a live tiger on stage with you, bloody hell that’s a tough gig - audience always hammered, lots of stag dos in, not that well paid and no train so you have to drive there.
I think you are very good at what you do (at least I hope you are, that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?
I despise everything about what I do but then occasionally think I’ve written something better than anyone has ever done ever.
How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?
Below minimum wage for someone who works approximately 90 hours a week.
How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?
Luck is very important, but sometimes it’s difficult to embrace the luck you’re served, or even realise it’s luck. So then you got a bunch of people who think they never get lucky, another bunch who think their success is pure hard work and talent and then another bunch who didn’t hear me ask if they think they’re lucky. My lucky breaks are not being born in medieval times, my gender and having an ass that keeps handing in its notice but is too valuable to the team for that to be accepted.
Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into third category?
I don’t think I’m a tortured artist as I think that fundamentally none of it matters. And golfing seems like an elaborate and expensive way to self-harm. And yet. In considering the question. I’m still doing comedy because I’m pursuing really difficult goals, wanting to achieve things I’m proud of and as soon as I achieve one of those things it’s done, it’s over, you maybe celebrate for a few moments and then you look up and there's a new goal to go for. I’m currently about 84 over, still on the front 9 and stuck in a bunker. That doesn’t make me self-harm though, just sort of get on with it.
Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?
The problem is that everyone is a disappointment if you put them on a pedestal. No one can sustain prolonged observation, whether that be because of your projections, your values, their values and any combination of minor things that clash. That said, maybe someone like King Henry VIII.
Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).
My drawers are super tidy, aside from the drawer with exercise clothes in. That needs an element of chaos so that I’m in the right frame of mind before putting my knees through the ringer once again.
Watch Stuart Laws is All In from 11pm on April 20 here.
