Full transcript:

*Chris with a mouthful of mince pie*

Oh um sorry.  You um caught me with a mouth full of mince pie there. I umm. I love mince pies. 
 
I love mince pies so much. I love minced pies so much that I've had to enforce a rule that says I'm not allowed to eat any until my last day of work before Christmas and well, as you may know, it’s been quite full on this year.  My feet have barely touched the ground and it has gone right up to the wire and I am just making up for lost time really. 

I don't care if they're the posh ones or the cheap ones, I don’t care if they’re the big ones or those tiny little dinky ones.  Weather it’s got a solid top or a lattice crown.  

I will never discriminate against any sort of mince pie, all of them are equal to me and will no doubt meet the same undignified end as I try and fit it all in my mouth in one go.

Oh, that’s quite an alcohol-y one. 

Discrimination is never a good thing. Well, I mean sometimes I suppose. Many, many years ago before I got into comedy, I applied to be a spy for MI5. I got down to the last 30 out of 3000 applicants. The top 1% of potential spy’s that this country had to offer before they decided no, a blind spy wasn’t what they were looking for but, you know, I think they had a point. I think sometimes discrimination can be vital for the safety of the nation but usually, we can do better. 

I feel very lucky to be born into one of the most developed, relatively accepting and progressive countries in the world.  But why is it that it’s a country where 50% of disabled people of working age are without employment, that's twice the national average.

Why is it that 75% of blind and partially sighted people of working age are without employment. That's three times the national average.  Is that discrimination? Well, I would argue it is, so let’s try and fix it eh? I think the government can commit to something better than what they already do. 

Access to Work is a vital government service that provides workplace support and access technology to disabled people. It is wonderful that it exists, but I believe it’s under resourced. I’ve heard too many stories of disabled people securing employment, to then only have to wait far too long to obtain the support that they need. 

The national average is 43 days. This needs to be shorter. I want to see this wait time brought down to under four weeks. That seems fair, doesn’t it? 

Delays to this service strip away our confidence, our dignity, and our purpose in the workplace and I think, probably, also risk an employer’s desire to recruit anybody else in the future who may require adjustments. 

Disabled people are often some of the most resilient, creative and determined people you will ever likely meet. We have to be in daily life and that makes us valuable people to have on the team. We can even win national dance competitions, just saying! 

Disability is everywhere. It’s just something that happens. It could happen to friends, family, loved ones. It could happen to you.

I mean after all; you know what us disabled people say. There are only really two types of people in this world. Those of us that are disabled, and those of us that aren't disabled…. yet.

So let me raise a toast and say, you know, do unto others as you would want done unto yourself under similar circumstances, or something like that, and treat everyone equally, the way I do my minced pies. 

Merry Christmas!