If you don’t know who John Robins is, then it is about time you remedied the situation. Robins is one of the damn finest stand-ups around at the moment. Well-informed radio fans will know him for his Radio X show with Elis James, TV fans should know him for the spooky story about spiders hatching on a friends' face that he told on Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled. If you get a chance to catch him doing stand-up grab it as if your life depended upon it. He's at Soho Theatre this week and then from Feb 4 - 6. Tickets here. For more on John Robins go to his bandcamp page here.
1. What is the last thing you do before you go onstage (apart from check your flies, check for spinach between teeth and check your knickers aren't sticking out of your skirt)?
One thing I’ve learned from gigging, is that a secure backstage toilet is more important to me than critical acclaim.
2. What irritates you?
There’s the usual stuff – the way people drive in London, the way people cycle in everywhere, people who get to a shop till after queuing for ages and it’s as if they had no idea they would have to find money to pay, or where their money is, or what money is. But all that stuff pales into comparison with how irritating I find myself. And it is absolutely impossible for me to escape me, or even have a break, if I step out of my house to have five minutes alone THERE I AM! With all my habits, my weaknesses, the odd pain I get in my hip, the little thought worms that have been going round in my head for nearly three decades. I once read an interview with Johnny Vaughan when he was on the Big Breakfast where he said the secret to dealing with early mornings was to get in the shower as soon as you’re up. I have thought of that every time I have had a shower, ever. Can you imagine thinking that thought nearly ten thousand times?! I procrastinate. I play more iPhone games than you could possibly imagine. I panic when shopping for clothes so still wear t-shirts I bought in NINETEEN NINETY SIX . If I’m buying something important like a laptop or sat nav I get so obsessed with researching it and getting the best price that by the time I buy it I just loathe myself. Imagine being that guy 24/7!
I am guilty of all the things that irritate me in the world. I’ve driven poorly, I’ve taken ages trying to pay with things with the exact change at busy tills, I would make an awful cyclist. I think we dislike in others what we fear in ourselves.
Though one thing that does irritate me is noise. Not just car alarms or music on trains, but the noise of life, social media, endless content online about absolutely nothing. So I try to keep a very low noise footprint.
3. What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done?
I once jumped between two third floor balconies at University, and every time I think about it I feel completely awful. I had to let myself in through some girls window. She wasn’t there luckily, imagine how terrifying that would have been for her! I stole a cotton bud from her desk. Oh God!
4. What is the most stupid thing you have ever done?
I have a running joke with Elis James on our radio show that I’m plagued by regret whereas he’s totally content. I certainly was plagued by regret in the past, but now I’m more obsessed with the idea of being plagued by regret. I do regret some stupid things I’ve done. Putting chewing gum in a friends hair c.1999 buying a cricket bat that was far too expensive c.1995 making bad jokes before thinking what effect they might have on people around me 1992-present. Sometimes I can’t sleep for thinking about them, lying awake blushing and feeling shame! Oh Shame!
5. What has surprised you the most during your career in comedy?
How much work goes into the very best things. Before doing comedy I loved shows like Bottom, The League Of Gentlemen, Alan Partridge, but I don’t think I ever appreciated the craft, the writing and effort and time it takes to make something like that. The most successful comedians aren’t always the funniest, or most naturally gifted (though they often are), but they are always the hardest working, the people who care the most.
To find out what John Robins' mum thinks of him and much more click here.
