The children think it’s cool if I’m on TV but don’t understand why I’m allowed. “Why would they get YOU on Dad?” “Because when I’m not here, I’m really fun” I reply tetchy, before demanding they persevere with their broccoli. UPDATE: My 11 year old son has to write a biography of someone famous for school and I just found out he has chosen me as a subject! I’m genuinely jazzed. His teacher will be baffled and appalled, but I feel great and that’s more important.

What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

Not being taken seriously. Why oh why aren't people scrutinising my finely wrought nuggets for their brilliantly subversive subtexts? And yes, I do occasionally refer to my testicles as 'finely wrought nuggets’ but I’m not doing so here.

I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

Cutting edge. Handsome. Tall. Black.

 

 

I earn way too much. I’ve got money piled up in boxes, money stuffed into cupboards, money blowing around the yard. It’s grotesque, especially when you think of how many people don’t have enough of the stuff, but I can’t be bothered to take it into town and bank it or give it away so it just keeps piling up. In case you’re thick, I’d just like to say here that I’m being ironical. And if you’re the shitbag that stole our bins the other day, don’t get any ideas about coming back for our boxes of of cash because my wife’s spent them all on terrible romantic comedy DVDs, copies of Grazia and revolting weird alien dollies for our daughter, despite my protests that we’re turning a bright young woman into a moron. And I’m worried about our daughter too! Ha ha ha. Please don’t let my wife read this.

 

How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

Certainly not. Nothing but misfortune from the start. I was raised in a comfortable middle class environment by parents who loved me, I got to see the world with my Dad (a travel writer), and had an expensive education (though not at Oxbridge). So comedy wise, I was fucked. I’ve only just started to come to terms with all the privilege, but every time I see a really screwed up, unhappy comedian, it’s still very painful for me.

Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?

An amateur golfer whose incompetence regularly puts him in harm’s way.

Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

Zavid Bowie obvs. Please God, never let me meet him, because right now he’s just about perfect (and yes, I've watched his new video for ‘Blackstar’ and still feel that way).

Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (I'm asking because I seem to be the only person who keeps his drawers tidy)

TIDY TIDY TIDY. Nothing beats the joy of knowing exactly where something is when you need it! SATISFYING!!

 

(picture by Matt Crockett)