6. What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?

When I started, my dad said that me doing stand up brings shame to the family name, which is extra sad because our family name is already Hess. They wouldn’t even smile when watching my stuff online because they just didn’t get it. Especially my one liners or 'silly sentences’ as my dad referred to them. After they saw my debut hour, however, they like what I do which is nice.

7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

I have eaten every sandwich and pasta salad in Sainsburys local, Tesco Express and Marks & Spencer at least ten billion times. They haven’t changed their selection in years. Sometimes I just eat a moussaka raw with my hands on the train for a bit of variety to my bored, sad tongue.

8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

I think I’m pretty good at writing jokes but quite bad at performing. I get embarrassed about ‘selling’ jokes too hard because if they don’t get a big laugh I get pissed off at myself and embarrassed so I under-sell jokes and hope the whole set looks like one big aside. I don’t pause enough when talking and I have quite poor diction and talk too fast so that I can get to the next joke asap. So yeah not great. Please come to my show.

9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

The first time my parents asked me how much I earned from comedy I tripled the actual answer so that they wouldn’t get angry and force me to get a real job. They were delighted, but then insisted that I could now afford to pay back all the money I had borrowed from them over the years. It crippled me LOL!! Now I earn enough from comedy that I can live in London and get Ubers when I’m lazy and that’s definitely enough for me.

10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

I’ve been very lucky. I was fortunate enough to have been seen by the right people early on and got noticed by agents etc after only having done a few gigs, by pure chance. However, I had spent the previous 7 years obsessively writing jokes in my room, so I guess in my case it was hard work/being an obsessive freak that allowed it to manifest.

11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?

I have no idea. I go between the two with worryingly regularity. I have a strict set of rules about the sorts of jokes I'm not allowed to do and certain ways that I'm not allowed to present my jokes because I'm so scared of being called hack. However, I have a disproportionate number of routines which pretty much end with the phrase 'and then I shat myself' so I guess I'm both. I'm definitely not tortured though. I'm having a very nice day. Cracking stuff.

12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

Richard Feynman. Theoretical physicist. I want him to be my nice wise grandad.

13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (this is to settle an argument with my girlfriend. If you've taken my side thank you in advance)

Far worse. I don’t use drawers. I’m an organisational disaster. It seems that I consider chests of drawers to be something that you put cans of deodorant and wallets on. Pretty much the only thing I own is clothes and they live on the floor and the fact that I feel no shame about that is the most shameful thing of all.