6. What do your parents think of your job?

They just got to watch me play the London Palladium. I put my Mum in the Royal Box. They’re getting used to the idea.

7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

Other comedians. In the acting world people are bitchy behind your back. In this world people are nasty to your face. I met a lot of cunts in Edinburgh. And some wonderfully supportive and helpful comedians too…

8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

I think I’m alright at what I do…I make mistakes. The work isn’t always perfect…in fact it never is. But I’m learning to enjoy the modicum of success my work is enjoying whilst it lasts and to stop dwelling on the imperfections. 

9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

The tour earned me enough money to pay off a credit card and go and sit on a beach for a week. I would like to earn enough for a fortnight. 

10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

Someone stole one of my first Pie videos and put it up on Facebook. It earned over 5 million hits. That was my lucky break….someone stealing from me. Subsequently I have taken up shoplifting to help our ailing economy. 

11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?

I’ve never played golf.

12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

Are we allowed fictional characters because Jesus was pretty cool? That water to wine shit was incredible. I guess our nearest modern equivalent is Derren Brown.

13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).

Drawers is what my Granny used to say instead of knickers. In that sense my drawers are always immaculate. Which is ironic because the drawer I keep my drawers in is a fucking tip.

Download Jonathan Pie's live show here.

Watch Jonathan Pie on Trump here.