6. What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?

My mum thinks I'm unremarkable as a comedian. I have to say she's only passable as a mother, so maybe I take after her. 

7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

Driving. Last weekend I drove from London to Hornsea to Frome to London. If you work out my hourly rate including the driving, I'm basically an uber driver who gets out every 5 hours to shout at people in a function room.

8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

I completely agree. Do you want to be my new mother?

9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

I'm lucky if I'll earn more than £20k this year - about 15k from performing live and £5k from writing. I'd like to earn vastly more than this. One day I'd like to be so rich that I can live in a flat with a separate room for eating and watching TV so I don't need to do these things on my bed.

10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

Luck is important but if you get good enough and keep going long enough eventually you'll get your break. I think an early break can be bad for comedians who aren't ready. I see this with the big agencies who sign young acts then drop them after a year. My agent (Jacob at HD Management) is very savvy and focused on the long term.

11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?

Golfing is surely a form of self harm. I think I'm a self harmer - obsessed with comedy at the expense of money, career, relationships

12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

Norman Borlaug has probably saved more lives than anyone else ever. He's an agricultural scientist who developed high yield disease resistant crops without which the worldwide population explosion of the 20th century would have been curtailed by famine. He saved an estimated 1 billion people from starvation while socialism killed tens of millions....OK it was actually Socialism's ugly sister Communism, but I'm right wing and we're not beholden to facts.

13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).

Surely as long as the drawers close, they're clean and tidy?

I Can Make You Tory is at Laughing Horse @ The Three Sisters from Aug 2 - 28. Info here.