6. What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?

6. My parents (and Granny) spent weeks making me a 60 foot sheet square bedsheet for my last show. So: supportive.

7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

7. Finding an answer to the question “…and what do you do?” that doesn’t make you sound like a prat/dong/wally. 

8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

8. So-so. 

9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

9. Highly variable (on both counts). 

10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

10. Massive. Cf (6) [long-term] or (3) [short-term]. 

11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?

11. Probably some mixture of both. Self-flagellating with the golf club most likely. 

12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

12. Coffee Dad. https://twitter.com/coffee_dad?lang=en

13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).

13. My drawers are quite effectively partitioned - there’s not much cross-contamination between, say, Pant and Sock - but things are more unruly within the individual drawers. At the time of writing, my sock drawer has 23 socks in, in which there are currently only three true pairs, and maybe two more approximate pairs (though this doesn’t include what’s out on the drying rack, where most of my true pairs currently are). There used to be a lot of T-Shirt and jumper miscegenation but I’ve now got all of the former (bed/running T-Shirts aside) on hangers so that situation has definitely improved. And on the plus-side, the miscellany drawer (passport, coins, buttons, iPhone buds) is quite well tempered at the moment too. So the picture is rosy.    

Joseph Morpurgo: Hammerhead is at Soho Theatre from October 16 - 28. Tickets here.