• What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?

My family don’t say much at all. I asked mum one day if she liked what I did. All she said was “yeah”. Compliments aren’t a great Aussie tradition. 

• What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

You spend the whole day slightly worried about the gig that night. All my brothers have hair, I used to.

• I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

I get confused with this question. Because if I think of myself, that means there are two of me: ‘Me’ thinking about ‘myself’. I’m never sure which one I am. They’re both ok I reckon. 

• How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

After theatre costs, managers fee and tax I get what’s left of the ticket price. I want to earn what I’m worth plus VAT. 

• How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

It’s part of it. If you make them laugh hard, consistently I reckon you get more chances. But you have to work at it. You can’t make the breeze blow through your house all you can do is open all the windows and make it easier for it to do so. 

• Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?

I’m both. Depending on where the moon is. Actually playing golf for me is torture. The amount of vitriolic abuse I direct at myself every time I do a worm burner is disturbing.

• Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

During summertime in the Australian bush there is a sign on the side of the road that has a spectrum from low to high with an arrow that gets moved to the appropriate position according to the level of bushfire possibility. 

My answer is: The person who moves that arrow. 

No one knows who they are, where they come from. Unsung hero. 

• Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (Please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).

Some are, some aren’t. I like a bit of chaos and I like a bit of order. I was very tidy once, now I don’t care. My tip for you guys is: it’s not really about the drawers...come and live with me and I will teach you both about the joy of meaninglessness.