6. What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?
I always expect my kids to be more embarrassed of me saying and doing stupid things in front of a large audience. They say that I’m so much worse at home that it doesn’t bother them. My dad never saw me gig as he died when I was twenty, but my Mum (who died five years ago) said it used to make her ‘sick with nerves just thinking about it’. I think she may be where I get my neuroses from.
7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?
The unsociable hours. When everyone else is having fun you’re out working. It’s true that I got to pick my kids up from school when they were younger and was often around in the daytime but I was also away every other weekend. My wife’s been to a lot of social events by herself.
8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?
I think I’ve worked hard and had some great shows but I could get a lot, lot better. Like most comedians, I don’t secretly think I’m brilliant but I do secretly think that I could be brilliant one day. That’s what drives me on. I’m enormously arrogant about my future capabilities.
9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?
No one’s going to answer this honestly. I earn a great deal more than the average but I’m also in the arts and so quite crap with money. I think the rich should be taxed more but people like me should be let off for being disorganised… I’d also be prepared to do a free corporate gig at HMRC. I’m such a great socialist!
10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?
I have had lucky breaks but it’s still important to produce the goods when they come along. It’s also a matter of when an opportunity arises. I had a big chance when I was quite new with appearances on ‘The 11 O’Clock Show’ on Channel 4. I was just too inexperienced to take advantage at that point. When, ten years later, I got chances on shows like ‘Live at The Apollo’, ‘Royal Variety’ and ‘Michael McIntyre’s Roadshow’, I was ready to knock it out the park. Some comedians are very unlucky and should be much bigger but there are also many who delude themselves. If the best agents aren’t interested and the TV producers don’t give you a chance, it’s always worth looking at what you could improve.
11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?
I think I fall somewhere between the two. I like to see myself as a tortured artist but I’m not exactly a rock’n’roll comic with the necessary alcohol or drug problems. I’m a sort of low powered tortured artist who hangs out with the golfers. I moan a lot and try to drink nothing stronger than herbal tea.
12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?
That’s the hardest question to answer. I can’t have family or friends or comedians? That’s sort of my whole life! I could try to look good by saying some great figures of history like Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Elizabeth I, Scott of the Antarctic etc… but the truth is that my favourite person is Mary Berry. I’ve met her twice now and she is a complete legend. If the Queen wants time off she should share the monarch’s role with Mary.
13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).
I’m tidier than my wife who’s an artist and an author. Does that help?
