6. What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?

I am child-free but note that my nieces and nephews are excited by my small level of fame when they are young and then indifferent when they get older. My mum was doubtful but supportive, my dad – an ex POW and copper – was almost embarrassingly proud. My partner, who is a writer, finds the whole comedy game slightly ludicrous and hilarious.

7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

To quote from my autobiography, (which, obvs, I suggest you buy):  “My time-table has always been out of joint with my friends in more traditional jobs - when they played, I worked, and when they were at the office or school or the forecourt, I was at home, mooching and dreaming. There were dozens of dinner parties I never attended, house parties at which I arrived too late, weekends away I could not make, women I let down, lads nights out I missed, and always because I was doing a gig.

8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

Bruce – I rate you too. You’ve been around long enough that you really know your stuff and you are elegantly thoughtful and seemingly still interested in the comedy world - I dare you to keep this compliment in. (editor's note - keep it in? I nearly made it the headline. Thanks Arthur)

What do I think of me? Infinite in my desires but limited by my nature I am a fallen god who remembers heaven. 

9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

Last year I earned 80k, a bit less than the previous year. I always try to remember I earn far more than most people. I would like to earn 200k but only if everyone else did too

10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

Luck is a much bigger thing than we realise. The place, circumstance and time in which you are born is luck. I was lucky to get that good review just when I was about to jack comedy in and go in to teaching. I have been lucky sometimes to hit the zeitgeist without realising.

11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?

“I don’t play golf – I like women” (Barry Cryer) I have never been much good at being a corporate type. I have always been a risk-taker, suffered existential doubt and, as I said, I nearly killed myself with booze, but I am no longer a self-harmer – comedy has been a kind of therapy and I have learnt to accept the strange business of being alive.

12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

A bit of a cliché but I would say Shakespeare; the scale of his achievement is almost unfathomable. Also, since we know relatively little about his life, we can draw him as we choose i.e he and I would have been great friends. 

13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend

No. I am punctual but am so untidy and chaotic in lots of ways that my mother-in-law, who was a teacher, thinks I would be ‘special needs’ these days. I have a joke that I have NOCDAA – Not OCD At All. I have very few matching pairs of socks. Hope this saves you Bruce.