6. What do your children think of your job?
My 7 year old is now aware of what it is although he pronounces “comedy” with a “t” so “Comety”. He keeps asking me if I’ve been on telly which shows how stand up has gone, even your own child demands TV credits to take you seriously.
7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?
You remember the feeling during your exams at school? You need to revise, you haven’t done enough revision and you might fail. It feels like that all day every day. That, and getting a gig last minute so you have to cancel a social thing, which makes your wife furious with you.
8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?
That used to change from gig to gig depending on how it went. But now it’s a lot more even. You have to think you’re good. Because if you don’t think you’re good no one else will.
9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?
What is this, the Inland Revenue? Do you want an XL spreadsheet? I don’t earn enough to not worry about how much I earn on a daily basis. I’d like to earn enough money to not worry about how much money I earn. Whatever number that is? People can feel a bit embarrassed about saying they want to earn loads of money. But it’s not about the money; it’s about what the money represents which is time and choice.
10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?
They say luck is where “preparation meets opportunity” I think that is true so I don’t really believe in luck. I like the story that a basketball player got loads of baskets in a match. Someone said to him, “You were really lucky tonight” And he said “yeah, the more I practice, the luckier I get”.
11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?
Well I’m a tortured artist that just gets on with life. A self harming golfer, I smash myself in the face with the follow through. I’d say I just get on with it while occasionally self harming in the form of mass chocolate binges.
12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?
I was once stuck on the tube for ages. The driver made an announcement over the speaker, “ladies and gentlemen (paused) I just want to go home.” I think about him at least once a week.
13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).
I do keep them tidy. But I do understand why you wouldn’t. You don’t really need to because they are basically hidden, non-display shelves.
Andrew Bird is on tour in March and April. All dates and ticket links here. He is at the Leicester Square Theatre, WC2 on March 30. Tickets for London here.
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