1. What is the last thing you do before you go onstage (apart from check your flies and/or check your knickers aren't sticking out of your skirt and check for spinach between your teeth)?
I get all the junk (keys, chocolate bars, sunglasses) out of my pockets and chuck them in my bag so I don't have big jangly pockets on stage. Later I stand outside my front door for twenty minutes looking for my keys. I also change my shirt because I was told it makes you look more professional, even if the shirt is rubbish.
2. What irritates you?
Left wing people on Facebook, trying to look like good people by saying the government should tax rich people and borrow more to spend more on schools and hospitals. I'm not sure why left wing people think they're morally superior when they're asking the state to take from successful people (and the unborn) to pay for the things that they want to have now, but for some reason they do.
3. What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done?
In my teens I was a bit reckless - this culminated in me getting run over by a truck while I was racing a friend on my bike. My leg was shattered. I woke up lying in the road and my leg was like a sack of water with blood pouring out of it - lying there I picked my leg up and my foot stayed on the ground. I could feel the bone all clicking and quivering, it was really nasty.
4. What is the most stupid thing you have ever done?
Probably quitting my job to do comedy full time. I had a good job - I was a senior consultant working on analytics and national security stuff. But doing it alongside comedy was impossible, I was getting 4 hours sleep a night and doing both jobs badly. Now I'm only doing one job badly.
5. What has surprised you the most during your career in comedy?
All the comedians who are super nice on stage are total snake cunts in real life, and the comedians who are caustic and aggressive on stage are really warm and trustworthy off stage. There are exceptions - Darius Davies is an absolute prick on stage and off.
Interview continues here.
