At times like this what we really need is a comedian fantasising about Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp. And that's just what we have got. 

Brighton-based stand-up Laura Lexx tweeted the following: "If I ever met Jurgen Klopp I’d say “omg if we have a baby we should call it Klipp” just so he’d raise an eyebrow at me and tell me I’m a moron and I’d be so naked by the time he’d finished doing that."

And sure enough it went viral. In less than a day the tweet has received nearly a thousand retweets and nearly 30,000 likes.

In fact the popularity prompted Lexx to expand on her Liverpool-related social media fan fiction fever dream: "I’m quite stressed out by all this “real life” stuff going on but one thing really keeping me sane are these hopping mad fantasies about marrying sensible Jurgen Klopp....

...We’d go to IKEA and I’d be like “oh this lamp is so cute” and he’d say “No Laura we are just getting the things we came here for.” But then at the till he’d let me have a bag of Dimes anyway cos I’m cute. Then we’d drive home in our nice Volvo.

...We’d be getting ready to go out on a Saturday and I’d say, “Do I look fat in this?” and he’d say, “you have a pretty reasonable body fat amount I think but if you’re unhappy here are some fitness regimes you could get into.” And then we’d sensible fuck.

...I’d ask him what he wanted to watch on TV and he’d say, “Actually, I’ve already had a lot of screen time today I think I will do the vacuuming and then read my book. Unless there’s anything you’d like to do?” And then even the pants I wasn’t wearing would be ruined.

...We’d be snuggled up on the sofa and I’d say “oh my god babe I saw on twitter earlier that the govt are going to...” & he’d say “do you have at least 2 corroborating sources?” And I’d say, “no, but...” & he’d say, “well then don’t share it like facts.” And my bra would snap off.

...I’d lean over to him and say, “what’s the most craziest thing you’ve ever done...?” And he’d take off his glasses, look me in the eye with THOSE blues and, rubbing my cheek with the back of his hand he’d say...

...“Once, driving on the motorway, this guy was in the middle lane the whole time not caring how much worse it makes the road for everyone else. So when he pulled over into a service station I killed him with bare hands.” He blinks at me hoping I understand and BAM I’m so pregnant.

The thread continues in this vein for quite a while. Read more here.

Laura Lexx is currently on tour. Dates here.

Picture: Kara Gowlett