What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?

Probably that being a piano tuner would offer me more security   

What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

Being mistaken for a piano tuner

I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

When it comes to being me, sometimes I get to be the G.O.A.T.

How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

One day, I will walk out and buy a Steinway grand …

How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

Them’s the breaks, right? 

Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into third category?

I struggle to get round a golf course without inadvertently self-harming. I guess I’m in both categories.

Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).

Weirdly, whilst everything is a total mess around me, my drawers are in immaculate order. It’s like a duck that’s flapping furiously on the surface, but underneath is serenely paddling. 

Will Pickvance: Half Man Half Piano, Assembly George Square – Piccolo (Venue 3), 3rd to 28th August 2022 (not 10th, 17th, 24th), 7.25pm (8.25pm). Buy tickets here.

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