What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?   

My dad saw me once or twice in 2005 but never again. It can’t have gone well. And my mum has never watched me live. They have watched some of my specials on Amazon Prime and are I think proud but are most surprised that the boy that was too shy to speak to other kids in his class or on our road can now tell jokes in front of thousands of people. My children hate it. Although they didn’t seem to mind so much when I got them their first paid jobs after casting them as my character’s children in a sitcom last year. Watch the trailer here.

What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

I’m not sure there is anything that could be considered bad in the grand scheme of things. And four years ago I might have answered the travel, but after the past three years I will never complain about that again. The answer really is boring: the admin. I spend more time behind my desk than I did when I had a desk job. I guess that’s the difference between being a bottom rung grassroots comedian and a big name. I am assuming Bill Burr doesn’t sit around all day booking bus tickets for himself.

I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

Thank you. I am very proud to make a living doing what I do, and twenty years in I don’t feel like a pretender or a fraud as much as I used to. I am perpetually flitting between two emotions: being utterly surprised that I have found any success at all, and utterly frustrated that I am not more successful. It is a bizarre dichotomy. But mostly I am very content. But I would say that I am not as good at what I do, as you are at what you do. (editor's note: hey, thanks James, you smoothie)

How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

I don’t need or wish to make any more than I do.

How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

I think luck is important and I have certainly had some, but mostly everything that happens I tend to make happen. I send upwards of a hundred emails a day chasing work or projects and roughly two or three of those emails becomes something. 

Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into third category?

I don’t play golf, but I have played just once at Fox Harb’r in Nova Scotia and enjoyed the focus of it. My ADHD brain enjoyed being forced to focus on one thing. I was obviously terrible at it though. I do love Crazy Golf though. I have never understood why anyone would want to hit a ball around on grass when you can fire that bad boy through a windmill and into a pirate’s treasure chest.

I have self-harmed more than once in my life though so I guess I fall into that category. Aged 12, I once wrote the name of a girl into my arm with a compass. I am back in touch with her now and she has no idea there are the remnants on her name in my arm. So, I’m a self-harmer rather than a golfer. 

Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

This is a surprisingly hard question to answer. Because it really made me realise how stupid I am. Every time I thought I had thought of the perfect person I then realised I was related to them, or that they are a friend or comedian. It would have to be Craig Fairbrass. As an ex-pat Brit living in Canada the release of a new Rise of The Footsoldier film each year makes me inordinately excited.

I also just read today that Danny Dyer is teaming up with Nick Love once again to make another hooligan/drugs/prison movie called Marching Powder and that makes me very happy. If that gets released the same day as the next Footsoldier movie it will be the biggest showdown in British independent cinema history. Forget Barbie-Heimer, I am gearing up for Marching-Soldier. Or Foot-Powder…

Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).

I actually do. I mean my kitchen drawer is a mess obviously but that’s due to the other three barbarians that live in this house. My desk drawer is pretty tidy. Pens, lighters, business cards from people I met twenty years ago that have things like fax numbers on them and coins for countries that no longer exist – they all have their own little home in my drawer.

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