What do your parents think of your job?

As devout born again Christians, I think they have struggled to see the value of my puerile behaviour. As parents, they love me unconditionally and support my life if not my lifestyle. 

As Glaswegians, I think they find it highly amusing.

What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?

Being a joker is simply the best. However, the feeling that you can’t be seen to take yourself too seriously has long term negative psychological impact and has left me emotional deficient and severely scarred. But so what? You got a problem with me? Do ya? What with all the personal questions? Jeez, why don’t you lay off?! Do you want some?!!!!

I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?

It’s best not to dwell on it. Love/loathe dynamic.

How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?

Ummmmm….are you not listening? 

How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?

‘I’m the luckiest guy on the lower east side ‘cause I‘ve got wheels and you wanna go for a ride…’

Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?

Alan Davies self harms with golf clubs. It’s not pretty. Don’t mention the back nine. 

Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?

I’m a big fan of Bacchus, the god of grape harvest, wine-making, ritual madness and religious ecstasy. Not so much the blood sacrifices but you get what you give. The carefree nature of his personality lent itself to a type of hedonism that laid the foundations for Greek theatre and in turn comedy. I’m a fundamental hedonist. 

Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? (please think long and hard about this question, it's to settle an argument with my girlfriend. The future of our relationship could depend on your response).

I don’t have drawers. I stack my clothes beside my bed and wear what is clean.